Stuff Catholics Like

Catholics like babies. No, scratch that – Catholics love babies. It’s not that Catholics love babies more than other religious denominations, it’s that they like having as many babies as possible in accordance to the number that God is willing to bestow upon the family. Though the US average of babies per household is 2.1, it is not uncommon to find Catholic families whose number of babies in their home supercedes the national average.

This, being better than average, Catholic mentality towards babies can be troublesome for some Catholics in the US as it is deemed acceptable in America to have 1,2, or 3 babies. The ideal for Americans is to reproduce themselves in their baby making efforts where one baby is female and the other is male. Thus modeling their babies after themselves: one for the husband and one for the wife. The 2-baby US mentality is illustrated in the common phrase that comes from the mouths of married couples everywhere: “We want an Adam and Eve.”

Though it is not looked down upon if a family has a third baby, it is normally not encouraged. A fourth baby is acceptable for Catholics in that Catholics, with their anti-contraceptive and pro-life views, are seen as unenlightened and uninformed to the ways of modern people. So a fourth child is considered forgivable based on the Catholic’s ignorance to modern ways and behaviors.

However, if a Catholic family has 5, 6, 7 or more babies, it is seen as a crime against nature and a sin against humanity. In fact, countless Catholic mothers, who have 5 or more babies, have often received flabbergasted looks after having responded “yes” to the question “Are all these yours?” This encounter normally occurs in public places such as supermarkets, department stores, malls, or any other place that makes it difficult for the mother to keep track of every behavioral happening of her babies. The question “Are all these yours?” commonly follows when another person sees a Catholic mother who, with two shopping carts spilling over with groceries, without makeup on, and hair is tied in a pony tail, has one baby in her arms, another in the shopping cart, a third gripped tightly in one hand, the fourth baby clinging dearly to his mother’s dress, while the fifth baby has just knocked an entire shelf of canned peas onto the floor, which by chance startled the baby in the mother’s arms causing him or her to wail like a banshee. She will unjustly be labeled a ‘bad mother’ by outsiders for not having the grace of being born with 5 arms.

It is speculated by many non-Catholics that a Catholic family’s Catholicity is qualified and quantified according to the number of babies had by said Catholic family. When discussing Catholic families with other Catholics it is more often than not, with some jest, remarked that a Catholic family with 4 or more babies is a ‘good catholic family.’ Though this is the American public view of Catholics with many babies, more is required in order to be a good Catholic family than having lots of babies. Such as: raising the babies in the Catholic faith, going to Sunday mass, taking advantage of the sacraments, being the primary educators for the babies, and teaching the babies to pray and pray regularly.

It must be noted that Catholic families are not baby factories. Nor are Catholic families baby making machines. Further, there are no rooms or houses where Catholic wives are chained to beds perpetually pregnant and popping out babies like a queen bee. Nothing can be further from the truth.

However, to the Catholic, babies are seen as gifts to be received and loved, as the baby was conceived in love, so too the baby needs to be loved. Some non-Catholics have theorized that the higher the number of babies in a Catholic family the greater access the family has to secret church teachings and meetings. Fortunately, this is not the case. There are no Catholic mothers opining disapproval that the Jones family has 7 babies while her family only has 5 babies. Neither are there Catholic Fathers complaining about not being able to get into the secret basement meeting because his family only has 6 babies. This is not the reality.

To the Catholic, babies are to be received openly and lovingly. Babies are seen as a blessing and a source of joy. If possible, a large family demonstrates not only God’s generosity but the parent’s as well. Likely the reason most people refuse to have a multitude of babies is because babies can be a handful as you never know what inconsistency they will catch you in next or when you will by one baby’s “why?” from a metaphysical breakdown. Yet, Catholic have time and time again have found it fit to love babies and love having lots of babies.